This is the second book by Rebecca Campbell that I’ve read over the past few weeks (I actually started with “Rise Sister Rise”), and I loved it. I was once again drawn to look inwards even more with the questions that were spaced throughout the book (and I have most bookmarked to go back to, as I couldn’t seem to find the words just yet to answer the questions).

It is an amazing book to read, and have the realization that there are parts of us that we close off because we have the need to “fit in” with everyone else. It reminded me that I’d “grown quiet” during school, because I “talked funny” and didn’t like having my speech corrected. I had trouble making friends in school–I was the quiet (at least until you got to know me), bookish, nerdy one that never really fit in with any one crowd–also in group pictures for the most part I wasn’t smiling because it took too much energy to fake being happy around a bunch of people who may or may not have been overly friendly during the grade school to high school stage. That there are parts that we ignore because we’re focused on the parts that we’ve become good at, so that we can trudge through a 9-5 job (or longer depending on the project).

I’ve realized that since I’ve graduated with my PhD, I have let certain areas become closed off and stagnant due to the need to try to climb the scientific ladder. One of the exercises in the book is to make a list of all the things that light you up, no matter what it is—everyone is different, and that is fine. Another exercise is to write out a list of your ten most unique and eclectic mix of gifts, and to keep it growing by adding to it as you uncover more and more of your uniqueness daily/weekly/yearly.

I’m also starting to listen to the inner voice more—it’s getting easier to hear, a little louder each time I need to be reminded—that if something seems a little off, it is better to wait for the next opportunity than it is to jump and be miserable.  I’ve come to realize that what I want out of my scientific career may not be the same as others–and that it is something that I need to clarify to myself before I can express it to others (note to self–that would be something good to work on over the next few weeks).

While I’m still navigating my crossroads, I’ve realized that right now I’m currently seeking another job to replace the one that was just finished—there is a calling, but what that calling is, right now I’m still not sure on. Though I do know it will be tied in with science and education.

I’m slowly growing and taking steps that seem to be frightful, but at the same time could be in the direction that my inner guru is wanting me to go—I just have to slow down, listen, and start asking the universe to help guide me to where I need to be. I’ve finally realized that it is okay to say that I don’t have the answers, and I no longer know what I want to be when I grow up, but I’m open to suggestions from the universe.

So if you are listening Universe– I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m willing to listen and go where you direct.