Well this hasn’t been the best week in terms of certain goals (getting off the couch, and sleep), plus it hammered home that being away from the stress of work didn’t totally get rid of the anxiety (or the anxiety induced indigestion). So, Wednesday had a short interview for an adjunct position (it was going well, until basically told that it had already been filled, but I’d be put on the list for the spring), then walking to lunch with a friend–the humidity was sky rocketing, so I felt sick all afternoon (didn’t help gulping 20+oz of water when I got home). Then on Thursday it was a short Skype call about a potential post-doctoral position at a university in New Jersey that would start early next year. It is a understatement to say that I get nervous when I talk to strangers (especially strangers who could be potential bosses or colleagues; though I was nervous last time I had a Skype call about a potential job where I worked; and that fell through); so I was battling indigestion basically all day Thursday. Today is Saturday and I’m still not over the indigestion (now is it also diet related? It could be, but a larger portion is due to now knowing that I either need to try to find a part time job on campus this fall or figure out a working vacation somewhere and go apply for jobs in person at different companies).
I’d been doing well with not having indigestion issues since my job ended–but I think that I’d been trying to keep those demons at bay, and now there isn’t much to keep them at bay and they’re running around. I know that I have things I have to work on (fears and phobias) that probably are holding me back, but at the same time I’m also only human and probably could be considered slightly on the autism spectrum with probably a very mild form of Asperger’s (I was focused on certain things growing up–birds for one; but managed to somehow make it through public school, gravitating towards math and science).
Just have to remind myself a day at a time, I’m only human. Also that there is beauty all around us, if we only stop and open our eyes to observe that beauty.